On the whole, we can spend a lot of time pondering the divinity of Christ. Our weekly lectionary is full of scriptures that display the miracles which Jesus performs as a way to reveal to everyone who He is. In Bible studies, there is plenty of discussion about the Trinity and how Jesus is the one and only Son of God, sent to us for our salvation. And as we head into Lent and Holy Week, we have our eyes and hearts focused on Christ’s resurrection on Easter morning. The divinity of Jesus is an extremely important piece of our Christian faith, but we often miss out on dwelling on Jesus’ humanity.
“Jesus wept”1 just before He raises Lazarus from the dead. Despite being moments away from performing this miracle, Jesus weeps for the loss of Lazarus and is “greatly disturbed in spirit and deeply moved”2 by those who mourn Lazarus. Jesus knows that He will be able to raise Lazarus from the dead. Even so, He takes a moment to sit in grief and mourning for His friend, for His loss, and for those around Him who are also grieving Lazarus’ death. Jesus’ humanity is so overwhelming that you can’t help but shed tears with Him and for Him.
In Jesus’ most famous sermon, He also talks about the human emotion of grieving. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”3 How hard is it to feel blessed when you are mourning? Did Jesus feel blessed to be mourning His friend?
Grief is a difficult emotion. You can experience grief over anything from the discontinuation of your favourite chocolate bar to the death of a loved one and everything in between. To grieve is difficult but it is also natural. It is only human to be sad when something changes in your life that you didn’t want to change. The difficulty with grief is that you don’t know how it is going to affect you. Will it be a single tear? Will it be uncontrollable sobbing? Will it be deafeningly silent? The other difficulty of grief is that you never know when it will hit. You could feel it immediately, or in a few hours, or a few days. Maybe you thought you finished grieving and then a picture, a smell, or a song comes along and punches you right in the gut and slams you back to the beginning of the grief process. Grief is a difficult emotion that throws you for loops for your entire life. So how could you possibly feel blessed while you’re grieving?
There are many reasons why people grieve, why they mourn. It could be a small thing, or it could be a big thing, and the size perspective is personal. But no matter what they are mourning or why they are grieving, there is still a blessing to be had. And that is the blessing of the ever-loving presence of God. Even in the times we feel nothing will ever make us happy again, God is there for us. Even in the darkest of valleys, God will be there for us. It makes me think of Psalm 23, “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” As well, the poem “Footprints in the Sand” says, “I noticed that at many times along the path of my life, especially at the very lowest and saddest times, there was only one set of footprints. … ‘My precious child, I love you and will never leave you — never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.’”
To mourn means that your heart has been broken. The blessing is that God will be your comforter through it all. God’s blessing through a time of mourning is something to which I can personally attest. Not only did I receive the blessing of comfort, but also the blessing of saying goodbye.
One of the hardest things you can do is watch someone you care for lying in a hospital bed with nothing for you to do but wait. Wait for the breathing to slow, wait for the heart to stop, wait for the person to decide it is time for them to go. As hard as that waiting is, though, it gives ample time for you to say goodbye.
What feels like only moments ago, I sat next to my friend as he lay in a hospital bed. I listened to his ragged breathing as the cancer that had eradicated his body began to take away his final moments. I could feel inside of me the wails of Mary, both the mother of Jesus and of Magdalene, as they clung to Jesus’ feet as He died on the cross. Those wails were their goodbyes to Jesus. My wails to my friend were much more silent than those of these women, but I still appreciated the chance to say goodbye to him. I have had missed opportunities for proper goodbyes with other friends who have died. I was grateful that things were different this time. Having that chance to sit with him over his last few days seemed to make his death easier to take and attending his funeral a little easier to do.
Saying goodbye is never easy. And some goodbyes are harder than others. But no matter how painful, saying goodbye is important. A lack of a goodbye can feel like unfinished business while the opportunity to say goodbye can be extremely healing.
During His final days, Jesus was trying to say goodbye to His apostles. But each time He was met with disbelief and an unwillingness to let go. However, that is what goodbye is — a way to let go of the person. Not to forget them, but to allow them to leave this earth. Saying goodbye reminds us of how precious time is and how we shouldn’t take for granted the time we have together. When you miss out on that chance to say goodbye, it can leave something hanging in the air. Whenever you have the chance to say goodbye to someone who matters to you, do so. Do not hesitate. No matter what type of goodbye you make, it can be extremely healing.
When I attended my friend’s funeral, I expected so many more tears than I shed, and I assumed it would be extremely difficult to preside over his burial. However, all I felt was peace, which I thought was odd. However, thinking back on it now, I truly believe that because I had such profound moments of saying goodbye to him throughout his final weeks, all I had left to feel at the end was a sense of gratefulness that his pain had come to an end.
Are you avoiding visiting someone because you are scared to say goodbye?
Don’t wait until it is too late. In the moment, there will be sadness. But in the end, there will be peace and comfort in the arms of God and in the knowledge that we share the human emotions of grief and mourning right alongside Jesus.
Are there times in your life where you missed the chance to say goodbye?
I had a friend who I’d met in one of my theological classes. We connected quickly and were fast friends. Near the end of her degree program, she found out that she was terminally ill with cancer. She wasn’t in any of my classes in my last year and I pondered if it was because she was too sick to attend. As time went by, we lost touch. There were brief encounters on Facebook and once at a Pride Parade, where there were big hugs all around.
One day, I realized that it had been a long time since her last Facebook post, which she had tended to do three or four times a week. I reached out, with no answer. A member of her family finally reached out and let me know that my friend had passed away a few weeks prior. I had missed my chance to give my friend a proper goodbye.
As Christians, we have hope in eternal life after death because of Jesus’ sacrifice for us on the cross and his resurrection, showing us his defeat of death. Therefore, if you feel you’ve missed your chance to say goodbye, take heart. Your loved one can still hear you through prayer because they, too, have defeated death. For in this manner, we share in the divinity of our Saviour, Jesus Christ.
- John 11:35
- John 11:33
- Matthew 5:4
